When you are in love and newly married, couples tend to overlook issues that could be big “problems” later in the marriage. Here’s the thing to keep in mind – learn to work through problems now – not just ignore them. Learn to work together to solve problems. Your little squabbles before you actually get married are minor compared to the much tougher issues you will face down the line. Some say the true test of lasting love is being able to plan a wedding together. What do you think?
Here are six things to consider before you say your vows and make that forever commitment.
UNDERSTAND each other’s financial status. Real day-to-day living starts when you need to pay the rent, the utilities, child care and more. Are you a saver? Does he spend money foolishly? Do you have similar financial goals? Does one of you have a poor credit history? Know before you walk down the aisle. Money or the lack of money is one of the biggest issues and cause of arguments in a marriage.
KIDS. Do you want kids? How does he feel? Does he want to start a family now? Do you want to continue to build on your career? Know where each of you stands.
CHANGING HIM or HER. What he or she is now is what you will have for the rest of the marriage. Can you accept him with his flaws? Can you accept her with her issues? People only change is THEY want to change. And change takes time, energy, and effort. You will never change your partner.
IN-LAWs. When you marry, you are adding an entire family to your social time. You don’t have to like them, but you do need to figure out how to coexist peacefully with them. When you are first married, you will be hearing lots of questions like “When are the babies coming?” and other personal questions. Decide together on how you will handle family questions and problems.
LISTEN. Be sure to listen to your partner. Really, really listen. Listen to the feelings behind the words.
TIME OUT. When you were a kid and being bad did your parents give you a “time out”. Sometimes it better to step back from a problem for a little while, take a little time to dwell on the issue, think about your partner’s feelings and try to understand their point of view. Anger can cause hurt feelings and words can be said in a moment that cause more problems and don’t really relate to the issue. If that is the situation, a “time out” may be in your best interest.\
Print this out and put it on the fridge for a lifetime of happiness, love, and friendship.